Okay, so we are exactly two weeks into the year and it’s two weeks into my 3 month long no-buy project. If you think it’s an easy thing to do, congratulations, you clearly have more character than I do. It’s not even that I truly want a specific thing but instead it’s the little voice inside my head telling me I’m not ALLOWED to buy anything that’s getting on my nerves. Partner in crime often say “you’re such a rebel” to me because I hate rules and regulations while he embraces order in the classroom.
The easiest thing would be not to browse through my favorite sites, like Etsy, or google stuff to see if they’re still there. I’ve been contemplating getting a coffin bag since it was the 2000’s, still haven’t gotten around to it but NOW feels like the perfect time to research that shit, yet again.
On top of my annoying fuck-the-rules-personality, the habit of looking for something to buy when I’m bored is deeper than I thought. I truly do believe it’s possible to reprogram and react differently to impulses. The root to the problem here is not shopping, I don’t even think it’s my hatred towards rules (well, maybe a little bit) but instead, the problem is not accepting to be bored. Clearly, my subconscious is so used to googling things as soon as I have nothing else to do it’s what I do without even thinking about it. There is so much more stimulating things I could be doing, like reading, drawing or sewing. Instead, before I even was aware of the decision, I opened Etsy on the phone and suddenly half an hour is gone.
It’s scary to think about your actions and behavior this way, because it makes me feel like a drone. The exercise that started with a no-buy challenge is slowly turning into a million questions about my person. I’m not sure if this post will get a decent ending, but I will try to challenge myself and get out of the google rut. Every time I find myself searching for stuff on my phone or on the computer just because, I will try to stop and do something outside of the internet instead. It can be for five minutes, it can take an entire night, as long as I break the pattern of not doing anything else but looking at a screen.